I hate my ward

I hate to have two pessimistic postings in a row but I really need to get a load off my chest. I HATE MY WARD! In fact I cringe when I hear "the church is the same where ever you go"... because I sure hope that there aren't any other wards out there like mine. The doctrine and organization might be the same, but the wards aren't. I have never felt so unwelcome, pushed away and alone in a ward in my life!

I mentioned before that the bishopric and YW presidency decided not have me to go Youth Conference and it turned out that it was good that I went because Yu Ge needed a translator... well they decided AGAIN that I wasn't going to another youth activity! They're doing a youth handcart trek this month and they yet again decided I wasn't going. WHY? I went to a meeting they mentioned in sacrament meeting about the handcart trek because I was planning on going. The leader in charge humiliated me infront of all the parents, told me to leave and told me I wasn't going. Everyone in the meeting laughed at me and at what he said because I was being made fun of... and I ended up leaving red faced. I had mentioned many times to the president and others before when they were talking about this, how I really wanted to go. I also mentioned that most of our YW presidency couldn't go because they're pregnant so to have me go would be good. But... no... if I end up going, it's because I'm really really really pushing for it-- which I shouldn't have to do, but I do.

I still don't have any one to talk to in Sunday School after living here a year. I go by myself to sunday school because andrew's in primary and abby's in nursery. I typicaly sit by myself if the seats open are by people who won't talk to me or I try and find someone else who is sitting by themseves to meet that I don't know or is new. I found out that most people in our ward think that i'm a teenager not an adult, so they REALLY don't know me.

We've met with the bishop several times for temple recommends, callings and what not. I feel like he thinks our marriage is going to fail even though we're really happy and content with each other, our marriage and how our lives are going. It makes me never want to go to him because Andrew and I always leave wondering what he was trying convey to us. Are we going to fail in our marriage?-- it's not looking that way but he seems to think so. What does he think is wrong with our marriage? Why does he keep asking us to rate our relationship? We leave never understanding him!

And Andrew mentioned in choir that we were trying to buy a house in maricopa and waiting to close. And now every one thinks that last sunday was our last sundayin the ward. We've never had more people talk to us, but it wasn't "we're sad to see you go" or anything like that. They were more in the context of "can't wait to see you go"

Our bishop, said sunday that he heard we were moving and that this was going to be our last sunday. We told him we still have to close, that it's still possible for things to fall through, and we have to move etc. (He didn't offer to help find people to help us move when we said this either) He just said that we never were asked to talk but wondered if we'd bare our testimony. Andrew and I both told him not to count on it. -- If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Neither one of us have ever turned down a request by the bishop and have always wanted to bare our testimony before we leave... but... not this ward.

This ward is just very cold. And it's the first ward that I've been in that I have actually met not one, not two, but SEVERAL people who have stopped going to church because of the members in the church. -- which is sad! And many that have been baptized that have decided not to keep going. So... to all those out there reading this-- TALK TO PEOPLE! BE NICE! LOOK FOR NEWBIES TO MEET! and DON'T walk away from people without saying something when they go up to you to try to talk to you (I get that a lot in this ward ). And I'll try and do the same.